./august 2023

found a mysterious bird that stood still the whole time
got lost and found myself
discovered an abandoned park
discovered a strange walkway
walked aimlessly around the city

watched silvia play Tears of the Kingdom
started playing Book of Hours
finally got to the 4th season of Halt and Catch Fire
read Ignore Everybody (it's bad)
re-read Steal Like An Artist
read Body After Body

sent the first edition of my newsletter, which modesty aside, turned out quite nice
wrote "hundredHammers", an auto machine learning library to make my life easier and reduce boilerplate
wrote "How to add comments to your personal webpage with Commento++ and Heroku"
changed the backend of all comment sections on the site (from Disqus to Commento++)
wrote "A study on internet laughter"

submitted another article
felt physical pain upon discovering that an article of mine that was almost practically accepted is now almost practically rejected, by the sole decision of a crazy reviewer who can't speak English and didn't understand anything that was done

fled from a museum full of terrifying baby dolls from the 19th and 20th centuries
saw a confession booth of Saint Teresa of Ávila
was surprised by president Lula's full name on a wall at the University of Salamanca
was caught off guard and ended up buying (accidentally) a bootleg Spyro bobblehead
traveled to Salamanca

saw the famous painting "Guernica"

for the first time in my life, ate at a restaurant with a 1.1 rating on Google (the minimum is 1.0, and it has 600 reviews)
saw the sword of El Cid Campeador
visited the most French gothic cathedral in Spain... at night
visited the most French gothic cathedral in Spain
traveled to Burgos

disassembled the shower drain and removed from it an amount corresponding to months of accumulated hair
realized that the shower drain was clogged

I consider taking a permanent marker and drawing dots on random tiles scattered across the house floor
a confused resentment sprouts inside me, and it takes me a few days to process and understand that it's directed at my bathroom, my apartment, Spain as a whole: how dare they prevent me from leaving a mark on the place where I lived for 1 year? I know I'm leaving, but this is ridiculous. Unfair, dirty, rude.
in horror, I realize that the mason's work was so good that it seems like absolutely nothing happened -- the bathroom looks the same as it was before they broke the floor
13 days, 2 plumbers, and 1 mason named "Ismail" later, the holes are filled with tiles identical to the ones that were there before
the owner says he'll send the albañil (i.e. mason) as soon as possible to close the bathroom floor
"job done," they say, and leave me with two holes in the bathroom floor that stank up the entire house with a terrible moisture smell
I stayed silent and they changed the drain valve
mierda.jpg
apparently I didn't close the drain properly and the water was going outside the pipe
there was an absurd amount of pooled water under the shower
they break under the shower
they start arguing about where the leak would come from
the leak wasn't coming from the toilet
they say "yikes" and break the floor under the toilet anyway
I "don't have tiles sir I just rent this apartment"
I "ah"
he says "no. tile"
I, proud, say "of course" and bring him a floor cloth
Bob the Builder starts stepping on the floor: "this here"
I ask what a "baldosa" is
they ask me if I have spare "baldosas" for the bathroom floor
the two comrades coldly analyze the floor and start talking very fast in a plumber dialect
the insurance plumber and Bob the Builder knew each other, apparently Bob the Builder also works for the same insurance, but he's doing a side gig at the clinic during his vacation break
20 minutes pass and the plumber arrives
I say "ok" and wait for the plumber to come the next day
received a phone call from the owner of our apartment saying that the insurance would send a plumber
a small man who looked like Bob the Builder told me he was doing a renovation at the clinic downstairs and discovered there was a leak in the ceiling that seemed to come from my apartment
opened the door
heard the doorbell ring

had several episodes of wrist pain, probably from using the laptop in horrible positions

rode a tiny roller coaster

August was a calm month. Since the university was on vacation, I basically stayed home the entire month, half-resting-half-working. My PhD is already practically all on track, I already have the 3 articles I need written, I just need to publish 2 of them (which are currently under review). My expectation is to defend by March, but who knows how things will go until then. Besides that, I was able to make good progress on my personal projects, as I had hoped would happen: I expanded "how many k's make a kkkk" and ended up writing "a study on internet laughter", started another project (still secret!), and did several little things scattered about, like changing the site's comment system and starting a machine learning library. In that aspect, I genuinely have nothing to complain about.

What I have to complain about, actually, is that in less than a week I'll return to Brazil for an indefinite time. It's going to be hard!! Honestly, I still can't even absorb the idea that after 1 year living in Spain with silvia, I'm going back to living with my parents in RJ again, as if nothing had happened. Silvia and I are going to look for an apartment when we arrive and all, but at least in this first moment, that will be the state of things. As if it had all been a big dream, you know? Very bizarre. A cycle ends... and the same previous cycle begins?? What kind of narrative arc is this

So yeah, in August I was kind of depressed!! Not just because the return flight is coming, but mainly because of this bizarre feeling of living in limbo. Seriously, just imagine, I spent 11 months going to university every day, and suddenly I spend 1 month without going there or seeing anyone from there (because everyone is traveling). And besides that I know that soon I'm leaving, but every day I wake up, look around and... I'm still in Spain!!! It's like I'm a ghost in purgatory, condemned to never have a conclusion. And the worst: my farewell celebrations will be next week! Huh?? It's like watching a movie where the post-credits scene lasts 40 minutes -- is it over or not???

"Don't cry because it's over, be happy because it happened," says a plaque in my aunt's bathroom. And it makes sense, but I think crying because it's over is important too, at least for a little while -- it colors the memories in a way, gives them a melancholic tone that is the most faithful representation of their essence. I might even come back here at some point, see people again and all, but it will never be the same. Never. And that's okay!

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